


I Beg You Hear My Call

by shudder



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shudder/pseuds/shudder
Summary: Literally just a character study on Kent Parson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	I Beg You Hear My Call

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for myself while trying to figure out if i like kent or not. i think i do? idk. sorry if you dont like/disagree with the conclusions i came to while writing this or if theyre like the opposite of fanon or whatever. i dont interact with this fandom that way, i usually just cry about zimbits at 2 am. thats all. tumblr is mistoffeleez as always.

It’s not that he had meant to hurt Jack. Not at all. Jack had been his best friend. But, things change. Jack should’ve known that better than anyone. It wasn’t Kent’s fault he had to move on, he still had his life and his career even if Jack didn’t. He was first in the league, but the thought that he shouldn’t have been always lingered in the back of his mind. He was always second-best in the juniors. He was going to be second drafted, second interviewed, second everything behind Jack. Everyone knew that. Until he wasn’t.

Jack was better than him. Had been, at least. After the incident, people had started noticing Kent. It hurt, at first, knowing that he was suddenly the best, but only because of his best friend being hurt. The news looked at him, at his feats, and there was always the unspoken “but he’s no Jack Zimmermann.” That kills a guy, always being compared to your best friend. A best friend you haven’t spoken to in months, because you can’t face him after what happened. There was always going to be the fact that Kent became what Jack was supposed to be hanging in the air. 

He tried to move on with his life. He tried to be the guy that the NHL and its fans wanted him to be. That was hard for a guy like Kent. He often felt like an imposter. Sure, he was killing it on ice and everyone could see that, but inside? Inside he felt like nothing. He hadn’t been close with anyone since the juniors, partly because Jack’s family was the only family he had known, and partly because when you’re a superstar player, no one wants to be your friend just because they like you. Everyone wants a piece of the action. Nothing felt real anymore.

What’s a guy to do when nothing feels real but turn to the bottle? So, when he wasn’t on the ice, he went partying and clubbing. The guys on the team were great, but he tended to stay away from them. That “I’m an NHLer, look at me” thing wasn’t really his style. He would just go to some seedy bar, get wasted, and maybe get some ass. 

That was the other thing. Being a gay guy in major league sports wasn’t exactly easy. Coming out wasn’t the best career move for him, so if he wanted to land guys he had to be casual and discreet. He tried the apps, but it left him feeling too exposed, even without a face pic. So he went to these gay bars, hoping that hockey was just far enough out of the minds of the patrons so as to be inconspicuous. It mostly worked, but once the rumors about him and Jack started circulating in the press, after the “Stanley Cup Kiss,” he started getting more glances, more recognition. He wished he was brave enough to do the same, tell the whole world, but he hadn’t even been able to tell his team yet. 

It felt stupid. So fucking stupid, keeping it a secret. It’s not like he’d be the first anymore, and the world is so much more accepting now, but fuck was it scary. Part of him felt deep shame in that fear. Like he wasn’t good enough to even go and admit to himself he was still second best to Jack, all these years later. That’s really what it was; his outward persona was making up for his inferiority complex. He thought that maybe if he just kept getting better and better, maybe Jack wouldn’t catch back up to him, maybe he’d actually be the best, not just second best. 

He wanted to talk to Jack about these feelings, about how they’d ended, the things he’d said in the years since. He needed to get this off his chest, but his pride, his shame, his fear, whatever it was wouldn’t let him. So he played the game. They played against each other, and he tried to reconcile himself that way. He’d apologize for the interpersonal things eventually, but for now, he needed to prove that he could be a hockey player without all that baggage. 

He needed to prove to himself that he could play without all that baggage. 


End file.
